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"Come over here, you wanna sit in my chair? HAHAHA Just kidding. Don't touch my chair."

Cquote1Hurr durr durr. That loser gave me permission to glass the town! I'm going to glass half the continent! Hurr durr durr!Cquote2
— Rtas 'Vaduum through Lord Hood's perspective
Cquote1You better un-fuck this shit up, or I'm going to gouge your eyes out and skull-fuck you!Cquote2
— Rtas being calm.
Cquote1Nigga, you gay.Cquote2
— Rtas when an Elite said something gay

Rtas 'Vadum, other wise known as The long, tall guy who kills everything to death was a really insane guy who lost his mandibles while sparring with a guy. He was so powerful that part of his body replicated into a Doppleganger after the war. It later contracted AIDS and was subsequently beheaded by the original Rtas 'Vadum.


Rtas 'Vadum is the single most powerful Spec-ops commander who have ever grazed the Covenant armada. He is also thought to be a humongous coward, despite the fact he is completely invincible, and often leaves his friend, the Arbiter, in the middle of combat with AIDS until reinforcements* arrive, which they rarely do. This is simply because he just doesn't give a shit about anyone who can't stand up to him and The Flood is the practice Arbiter has to go through in order to be able to just stare at 'Vadum.

*Reinforcements not guaranteed


Rtas was born on Sanghelios in the year 2513, as the son to a Swordsman and a renowned slag. As a result of developing giant balls of brass in the uterus, he had to be birthed via C-section. Moments after exiting his mother's womb he snapped the surgeons' neck, grabbed the scalpel and proceeded to stab the medical staff to death. He then patted his father on the shoulder, congratulating him for not being sterile. However, being subjected to this extreme amount of badassnes proved to be fatal to Rtas' father, whose balls shrunk five sizes, causing him to strap himself to a rocket and fire himself into the sun. As his mother died in labor, Rtas was orphaned at the age of 3 minutes.

He was later brought up by a bunch of street dogs, or whatever the hell that is roaming the streets of Sanghelios.

Rtas' good friend the Arbiturd encouraging him

Service in the Covenant 'ArmeeEdit

After being raised on a diet of garbage and street cats, he enlisted voluntarily in order to earn enough dough to buy his life's dream, his very own spaceship. After passing boot camp with flying colors, he joined the Spec-ops branch because he thought it would be cool to be a commando soldier. Here he befriended the Armbiter, who later became the supreme overlord of all ships in the Covenant Navy. He also met another Elite named Kosuvai, who was also born with the über-manly brass-ball-disease. Being equally powerful, they would often stage sword-fights (with actual Swords, you sick bastard) while the Grunts brought popcorn and watched.

Rtas serenity

Rtas & co. in a moment of tranquil serenity

Battle on the Infinite SuckerEdit

After an entire ship got infested with Flood, Rtas decided to personally dismantle the vessel (plus everyone that got in his way) himself. The Higher-ups demanded him to bring his troops anyway and he complied, thinking they would be handy as meat-shields. Just minutes after arriving on the ship, everyone except Rtas and Kosuvai succumbed to the deadly disease and they were not-so-mercifully put down by Rtas. Kosuvai, acting like the dumbest fucking thing to have ever existed accidently walked into a cloud of Flood and was transformed into a sword-wielding zombie thingy. Rtas then manually flung the ship into a star.

Battle of Installation 05Edit

180px-Rtas Vadum Halo by Jadeitor

Sitting in a command chair, like a BOSS!

After learning that killing a guy with brass balls will grant oneself invincibility, Rtas proceeded to open up a can of whoop-ass and did not do jack shit. Oh, except for that time when he held of a legion of Flood. Ringing any bells? No? Well then, how about that time when he took out AN ENTIRE GODDAMN BATTLE-CRUISER ALL BY HIMSELF?! what the fuck! Why do all the people forget about those things all the time?

Battle of VoiEdit

Rtas arrived just in time with his newly conquered ship to see the humans try to defeat The flood and proceeded to laugh at them. He then brought The Demon aboard and glassed half of Africa by flipping it off.

Battle of Installation 00Edit

Immediately after entering the portal on earth and and exiting above The Ark, he found himself surrounded by the Loyalist fleet. This fleet was also three times larger than Rtas's. Most people would crawl into the fetal position and cry their weak asses off, but not Rtas. After calculating that 1>3(only if he's in the equation), he fired himself out of his ship's torpedo tube and began punching one off the enemy Assault Carriers out off the sky. The Brutes shat their pelts in horror and the entire Loyalist fleet self-destructed as a result. Rtas was disappointed by the lack of action and punched a Minor Domo in the stomach because of his frustration. After his ship was hit by a Flood Dispersal Pod he tried to tow it back to the battlefield until he heard the war was over.


After the Armbiter returned to earth and Master Chief was stranded in space, Rtas returned to Sanghelios where he settled down with the female Minor Domo that he punched (and impregnated) earlier. Turns out that he could impregnate women by just by touching them. Who knew.


  • He once starred in a sit-com where he lived with a family of Jackholes. The series got canceled after he ate the rest of the entire cast for Thanksgiving.
  • He killed over 9000 people including men, women, children, puppies, kittens, memes, old ladies, and confused kids.
  • He owned a space cat named Whiskers. When Whiskers scratched half of his mouth off during bathtime, he stuffed it in an airlock and shot him at an enemy flagship for insubordination. Whiskers was last seen slaughtering the crew of said ship, and taking it into slipspace to found a new Covenant.