AV Johnson
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For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on M7057/Defoliant Projector.
— the AIDS

The Torchblower

Cquote1You are toast! Burnt toast without butter or jelly!Cquote2
— n00b with a flamethrower

The Flamethrower the name that is often incorectly used to describe the TorchBlower.

It is one of the few weapons useful for curing AIDS apart from having a one night stand and then never calling gravemind again. When its purifying flame comes in contact with AIDS it kills it in a buring mass. Nothing can stand in the way of its ultra flame of uber pwng which is said to be blessed by Jesus/Chuck Norris/Mr. T/Pope John Paul/Chuck Norris Jr. with that said it is a given that nothing not even grunts with the gruntiness can stand up to its pwng. The only thing that can stand up to it is the great yellow ball of protection.

How to use the flamethrower


The TorchBlower was invented by Dr. Mike Hawke, an arsonist with multiple convictions while he was having an orgasm from the new forge world vidoc, after he lost his father to AIDS. He wanted to find a cure, and he did...kinda. His prototype was a firehose that shot gasoline. He then improved by making it run on a mix of gruntiness, napalm, and Master Chiefs semen. He then made it look cool and painted a shark on it. Dr. Hawke tried selling it to the UNSC as an AIDS cure, but they claimed they already had a cure for AIDS. He realized that all his work would go to waste. In a last-ditch effort he told them that it could be used as a lighter, and they bought a few of the TorchBlowers. They quickly abandoned there use because of there design flaws (see below), leaving Dr. Hawke millions of dollars in debt. He killed himself by taking two blue balls in the mouth.

Design FlawsEdit

  • It weighs over 9000 pounds and can only be lifted by Chuck Norris himself (if his nagging bitch turns purple for once)
  • It runs on a mix of gruntiness, napalm, and Master Chiefs Semen. Though this fuel is very effective, it costs over $9000 a gallon and is thus not cost effective.
  • Unlike the flamethrowers made hundreds of years ago, the TorchBlower only shoots fire about 10 feet.
  • It can not toast marshmallows.
  • Doesn't have a giant penis.
  • The fire is actually only a hologram.
  • 5ux0rz 4g4!n57 J4xh013z 4k4 Jackal


  • It can be a funny teamkilling weapon
  • It actually pissed all over your enemies visor screen cuase it saw your mother
  • Good for killing AIDS.
Melee Weapons: Kitchen Knife | Japanese Butter Knife | Taser Stick

Handguns: Comfortable Pistol | Another Comfortable Pistol | WTF no scope? | M6C/Suck em' | God's Sidearm | Safety Mode On | Trusty Sidearm | Trusty Sidearm 2: Gradius | Assassination Pistol | Carbine Pistol | Silenced Pistol | Orbital Airstrike

Automatic & Semi-Automatic Weapons: Bullet Hose | Silent Bullet Spitter | Insult to Rifles | Revised Insult to Rifles | Chronologically Confusing insult to rifles | The insult to rifles that actually kicks ass | Bee-Arr | Bullet Spammer | Another insult to rifles | Large Bullet Hose

Other: HEADSHOT! | Pest Control Tool | Mini Missile Silo | Rocket Lawn chair | Splazer | Campergun | Noob Obliterator | Crude Thumper rip-off | Supersonic Rail Exploder | Exploding Cake Detonator | Kill The Hydra

Grenades: Damn, no stickies | Bang Grenade | Ear Bleeder | "I embrace y'all with napalm..."

Melee Weapons: Energy Shank | Hot Poker | Death Stick | Energy Shiv | Gravy Hammer | Monkey Fist | Monkey Shank

Other: Peashooter | Overheated | Angry Plasma Rifle | Overheater | Noobler | Larger Noobler | Long range Noobler | Nailgun | New Noob Combo | Rock Slinger | L337 5K1LL5 | Follow the pink light | Vacuum Quadlazer | Jelly Launcher | Semtex Blue Spider | Stick-rock | Fire in the Box

Heavy Weapons: Mini Blue Jelly Factory | Death impersonated | Godly Plasma Rifle | Huge Water Gun on Spaceships | Hax Gun | Smaller Hax Gun | Derp Gun | Magic Grenade Thrower

The Quadlazer | Zapper | Tracer Rifle | Yellow Light Spammer | Campergun's Retarded Brother | Triforce Gun | Promethean Glory | Forcefield | Bee Grenade