For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on M7/Caseless Submachine Gun.
Common Gardening Utensil
Production information

Apex Hose


Standard Short-length Utility Hose





Technical specifications
  • 1 in. interior diameter
  • 25 ft. length
Damage Per Hit


Magazine Size


Maximum Ammunition


Fire Mode


Ammunition Type




Rate of Fire

47 gallons/min

Muzzle Velocity

Not Very Fast




Effective Range: 5m Maximum Range: 10m


Human History


Watering Can

  • Shears
  • Intense Heat
  • Ignorance



Cquote1I take comfort in knowing that every time I use this, I'm committing repeated counts of hamster genocide. Thank you Misriah. Cquote2
— SSGT Gessup
Cquote1This gun gives me hope that the Covenant will kill us all.Cquote2
— Every Human

The M7/Caseless Submachine Gun is an attempt to cater to the dedicated following of complete fucking idiots that swear by the Ratatat operating mechanism. Utilizing several innovations after its introduction as the MA5B, the revamped Ratatat manages to be even shittier in all forms and fashions. Continuing Misriah Armory's long line of weapons that are questionable at best, and suicide assistants at worst, the SMG is no doubt one of the finest examples that humanity needs to face extinction.

Features Edit

The M7 is smaller in comparison to the MA5B, and this is where the advantages stop. The flashlight and ammunition counters were removed in favor of accuracy enhancing accessories never before seen on Misriah armaments: a foregrip and an ironsight. To ensure that they maintained their reputation, the weapon was made unbelievably inaccurate, thus rendering these useful addons totally worthless. Through some sort of unholy magic, the magazine was moved to the side of the weapon, thus guaranteeing that the rodents - instead of shitting on the soldier - will shit on the weapon itself.


In addition to the staggering inaccuracy the weapon presents, the projectiles have been reduced in size to a round smaller than a standard .22 bullet. The small size promises that unlike the 7.62 salt cubes of the MA5B, which might at least get salt in the enemies' eyes, this round will harmlessly dissolve in midair before ever actually hitting anything.

The only upside to this weapon is that it no longer ejects spent rat corpses.

Operation Mechanism Edit

This weapon operates in a similar fashion to the MA5B. While the system is still called the Ratatat, its no longer an accurate moniker, since a smaller rodent was required to keep a large magazine capacity. Instead of rats, hamsters are now loaded into the small magazines. Unfortunately, this did not immediately correct the lack of space in the magazine. This problem was not solved until it was decided that the salt needed to be replaced with something else.

Dual wielding SMGs will cause destruction at a galactic scale.

Once the hamster is loaded into the receiver, it is force-fed a micro-pill of alkaseltzer, then immediately super-heated. The hamster then detonates inside the receiver. This ash and gas from the freshly exploded hamster escapes through the barrel as a loosely compacted wad of ashes and melted entrails. As the corpse is now used as the projectile instead of salt, there is no longer any need for extraction or ejection of spent critters. Thankfully, since PETA was dissolved after the conflict over the original Ratatat system, there was no one left to dispute the idea of using tiny meat piles as ammunition for guns.

History Edit

Teknor Apex has been developing new technologies and innovations in amazingly dull fields that change the marketplace in no way since 1924. Their consumer lines of garden and industrial hoses have been so groundbreaking because, at their core, they are a "diversified material science company". Those sorts of business jargon and buzzwords have been applied to their designs, and is the primary inspiration in numerous companies, Misriah Armory included.

Having world-class custom compound divisions separated Teknor Apex's hose products from much of the competition, because competition in building water hoses is unbelievably fierce. They were able to develop innovative patented technologies, because no one else lacked enough dignity to put a patent in for something like hoses. Their leadership

An smg

Tee hee, it looks like a toy gun!

status in the marketplace was and is constantly being strengthened by their research in genociding(r) the shit out of animals of all sizes.

In 2018, they were the first in the market to reach a record-setting partnership with a major weapons manufacturer. This partnership led to precursor weapon's systems such as the Parrot Grenade, Automated Canine Catapult Siege Weapon, and the Remote Controlled Mounted Weapon Alpaca.

Teknor Apexbelieved in the critical importance of quality market research, and had maintained a dominant weapons platform for over three hundred years. Unfortunately, PETA's dastardly terrorist attacks in the form of numerous class action lawsuits put the company in financial jeopardy, until Misriah Armory bought them out in 2435.

Melee Weapons: Kitchen Knife | Japanese Butter Knife | Taser Stick

Handguns: Comfortable Pistol | Another Comfortable Pistol | WTF no scope? | M6C/Suck em' | God's Sidearm | Safety Mode On | Trusty Sidearm | Trusty Sidearm 2: Gradius | Assassination Pistol | Carbine Pistol | Silenced Pistol | Orbital Airstrike

Automatic & Semi-Automatic Weapons: Bullet Hose | Silent Bullet Spitter | Insult to Rifles | Revised Insult to Rifles | Chronologically Confusing insult to rifles | The insult to rifles that actually kicks ass | Bee-Arr | Bullet Spammer | Another insult to rifles | Large Bullet Hose

Other: HEADSHOT! | Pest Control Tool | Mini Missile Silo | Rocket Lawn chair | Splazer | Campergun | Noob Obliterator | Crude Thumper rip-off | Supersonic Rail Exploder | Exploding Cake Detonator | Kill The Hydra

Grenades: Damn, no stickies | Bang Grenade | Ear Bleeder | "I embrace y'all with napalm..."

Melee Weapons: Energy Shank | Hot Poker | Death Stick | Energy Shiv | Gravy Hammer | Monkey Fist | Monkey Shank

Other: Peashooter | Overheated | Angry Plasma Rifle | Overheater | Noobler | Larger Noobler | Long range Noobler | Nailgun | New Noob Combo | Rock Slinger | L337 5K1LL5 | Follow the pink light | Vacuum Quadlazer | Jelly Launcher | Semtex Blue Spider | Stick-rock | Fire in the Box

Heavy Weapons: Mini Blue Jelly Factory | Death impersonated | Godly Plasma Rifle | Huge Water Gun on Spaceships | Hax Gun | Smaller Hax Gun | Derp Gun | Magic Grenade Thrower

The Quadlazer | Zapper | Tracer Rifle | Yellow Light Spammer | Campergun's Retarded Brother | Triforce Gun | Promethean Glory | Forcefield | Bee Grenade

This would happen if Bungie let the Covenant dual wield SMGs.