For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on What You Are.

Humans are known for their unique artistic skill.

Cquote1Herp derp!Cquote2
— 21st Century Human
Cquote1You are, all of you vermin. Smelly, loud, ugly vermin.Cquote2
— The Prophet of Truth on Humans
Cquote1Once again we are faced with the smooth and hostile face of our old enemy, the Hootmans. Wait, no, no, the Huge-Glands? Ah, no, the Hunams!!Cquote2
— Spathi

The Humans are a vile alien race that originated from a mobile planet known as Hooters.

They like to kick Grunts in their ballsacks and make strange nosies (espically when humping). They are very mean and hang out with Chuck Norris and Mister T. They also tend to stick with Chuck norris as he is "so hot babe" as the marines say, they also say he's like "father christmas" but they told me not to say that. They threatened to snap off my... Uh... You get the idea.

They also tend to shoot undeserving grunts in the head and watch brutes pee on a wall and a grunt. Humans are pretty good at kicking ass as long as that ass can't fight back or really do anything except get it's ass kicked? They make the best pedophiles and all around perverts in the entire galaxy! Humans on the rare occasion of doin' something worth celebrating fuck it up by deflowering random animals and their own anus. Also if you are reading this you make absolutely no sense considering you've been a human for probably your whole life and know exactly what a human is maybe. Don't ask why I'm here. Anyways humans are the strongest and smartest beings in the galaxy. They can easily lift up to 4000 pounds (40000000 kilograms) and as a I.Q. close to 200 which is kinda high although they never use any of their talents, except sex and stripping, espically for money, at anytime anywhere for any reason. But they can make serious kick ass guns. All male versions of this species like sports, guns, boobs, T.V., sex, stuff blowing up and watching brutes pee . The females have no interest in most of these things, but do have an extreme ability to nag and talk about the size of their arse. A good portion of them will do nothing of any interest but an occaisional one will knock up a celebrity.


Humans have been known to start wars with anything that upsets them (there have been 300 wars so far). As most warmongers are n00bs who have no life. Wars are a common thing in the galaxy for them, preying on the weak, most n00bs are eventually pwned by something 100X better than them.

First WarEdit

The human Thomas Washington got a "Game Over" In Super Mario. He then started a war against Nintendo. No one survived.

Second WarEdit

The second war was In 2003 when some n00b died In Halo CE, he decided to war against Bungie. This one was shortlived, as the n00b was quickly silenced. No one survived.

War #117Edit

Humans became advanced, deciding to go into space, one human knocked up an Elite, starting the Covenant-Human War. It ended when The Arbiter pwned the Prophet of Truth, but the real threat was the Grunts, as the war officially ended when Master Chief bombed the only safe place in the galaxy from the Hula Hoops. No one survived.

Final War (Current War)Edit

Bungie has currently decided to attack the Earth (to brainwash its population to play Halo: Reach on Live EVERY DAY for the rest of their lives). This war is still going. It is expected that very few, if not no one will survive. Although if anyone survives, they will be immediatlly shot in the back of the head, so no one survives.