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The War on Pants was the bloodiest war ever to recorded by the Grunts. Its main aggressors were Kwarsh and Espock.

How it started Edit

Soon after the Human-Covie war ended, all the Grunts had heard about the Gruntiness, a chemical that made them flip-out and kill people.
With the Grunt homeworld smelling more like farts than usual, the biggest asshole on Balaho, named "Espock" decided that all Grunts should wear pants because he didn't like the smell. Using the power of persuasion (torture), all the Grunts wore pants, all of them except Kwarsh.
Kwarsh, being Grunty lord, retaliated by not wearing pants on national Gruntivision. Espock was outraged, and sent out his vigilante army of Trained Super-Men to stop Kwarsh, who had used the Gruntiness, giving him unimaginable powers.

Kwarsh used his Gruntiness, and after about three hours, he destroyed Espock's army.
Finally, after Espock's army was disposed, Kwarsh had run out of Gruntiness, and was now recruiting his fellow Grunts to help him stop the killjoy known as Espock.
By this time, however, Espock had developed a form of Super-men that could be powered by the few bits of Gruntiness left, and used his new Atomic Monsterstomassacre the Kwarsh "Freedom Army".
Kwarsh declared war while drunk from fruit juice. He was pissed. Real pissed.

The WarEdit

The Battle For Cheese Town Aftermath

Kwarsh placing the first of many pants in the bonfire.

The War itself lasted 6 months, and had 8 battles.

The battle for Cheese TownEdit

The first in many Pants War battles, where Kwarsh first flipped out and killed everyone at Cheese Town. After he killed everyone, he ripped the pants off all the Grunts he killed, and burned them in a bonfire.

The second battle for Cheese Town Edit

A few days later, a high-ranking general (general Kipbop) working for Espock met Kwarsh at Cheese Town Beach. After a 30 second fight, (hmm...reminds me of the Chief vs. Locke slapfight in Halo 5...) the general was killed by

Battle cheese town

Kwarsh after killing the general. This depicts the scene shortly before Kwarsh burned the General's pants.

Kwarsh and his amazing plasma pistol.

The Battle of Interpretive DanceEdit

Hundreds of Thousands of brave Grunts risked their lives fighting Atomic Super-Men in the battle for Lord of the Dance. Espock is declared winner, although Kwarsh has a bad case of denial and always threatens to commit suicide whenever any one mentions the battle.
The Battle Of Dance

The Battle Of Interperative Dance. The power of the mighty Ballerina Grunts and Breakdancers was not enough to overcome the Flood Pure Form.

Battle of the BandsEdit

It was Grunts vs. Ebola in the rocking battle. Hundreds died because of the enemy's kicking riffs, and Kwarsh's band, "The Nips", won with flying colours, some say. Others were taken to psychiatric help after telling the authorities that they saw flying colours.

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The Battle Of The Bands. Nips are on the left, Butthole Surfers (Espock's band) on the right.

The Great Boat RaceEdit

In this epic conflict, The Atomic Aids men used their witty teamwork to win the Great Boat race after Kwarsh's "Freedom Army" got tired and went to sleep and dreamt about the Assbiter pwng them all.

The Final ShowdownEdit

While not reallythe final showdown, the Grunts consider it as such because all but 147 of them died in this epic* battle of epic proportions. *epicness not guaranteed

Tickle fightEdit


A war mural depicting The Great Boat Race.

Look, you should already know the outcome. Everyone was brutally killed in a senseless blood rage of pure epicness, except for Espock, Kwarsh, Yayap, and Bapyap.

Halo showdownEdit

They played Halo 3: ODST, a Sticky fight. Kwarsh emerged victorious with 25 - 24. Kwarsh wins the war.