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For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on The Holy Gods of Anything and Everything.

Cquote1In Soviet Russia, Forerunner hula hoops YOU!Cquote2
— A russian person explaining why the Forerunners created teh haloz

The Forerunners', also known as The Bastards That Started All of This Crap', The Almighty Foreskins and The creators of the AIDS, are a mysterious and extremely suicidal race in the Halo Universe.


The Precursors created them and made them so that they were stupid. The Forerunners found out and they started to kill them, surprisingly, it worked and the Precursors soon ate a sandwich, then they launched their plan to create a force more devastating then the Universe itself, the AiDs, then they put themselves in Stasis to survive the Not-so-mysterious-anymore-runner's plan to kill them off. Now back to the Forerunners...

They ran around the galaxy with giant, fast, world-destroying ships, th and when they found Aids on the planet squidward. they ran back and cried under their covers like the bitches they are. Then, humans made a miracle cure for the flood and saved the galaxy Of course being ungrateful bitches they turned them into cavemen. then aids came again and they couldnt find the cure so they made giant hula hoops that would shoot a ubersupermegaultrahyper death ray with a singularity rate of 100000000000 grunts.

It is believed that the Forerunner's reason for building the ringy-thingys was mostly because they were bored. They existed such a long time ago that no other race was alive yet, except for AIDS. And fifty foot tall roaches, and their creators...

You might be wondering at this point, where did the Forerunners get their meat from? Well they were just pussy ass herbivores, that's all. LONG LIVE THE MEAT-EATERS!!!! >:D

In conclusion, the Foreunner are all emo kids who commit suicide instead of getting AIDS like big boys, it's stupid that they can make big ass all pwning-kick-ass-nasty-Uber-death-laser shooting hula hoops, but they can't step on popcorn.

The Hula-HoopsEdit

The super death laser thingy magigs are call Cockrings. They are the suicidal machines that will destroy all the stupid Forerunners. They are made of the same material condoms are made of. And when the for-runners realized there was one too many threats they decided to activate it. This shot smaller hula hoops which blew up into small (very small) condoms. Which fits perfectly under the for-runners wing wang and the AIDS wing dang doodle. So with all the indestructible small condoms the race eventually died out but some guy didn't want this and had unprotected sex with their cousin which made mutated races known as Humans, the conglomerate Convenant, and other animals like the Jackholes and things with spiney backs that are used for Indian curry and for uber energy swords (or toothpicks for tartar sauce—conclusion; don't screw relatives with out your own condom).


At some point the Covenant found one of the cockrings and landed on it, and discovered a collection of holy murals. In addition, they found an ancient box of sorts that must have been from the earliest days of the forerunners, known as a "Cassete Tape" to many.

Meanwhile, Yapyap III The Unholy had an evil plan. He, knowing that Master Cheif was on the Pillar of Autumn and would most likely wreak havoc on the installation where the murals were discovered, took a handful of unholy grunts and bombarded the Pillar Of Autumn. Unfortunatly, only most of the disc was destroyed and that was accidentily. You see, when Master Cheif pushed the button that activated the bridge, the bridge was running off of the power of the disc because some retarded baby elite had mistaken it for a battery. All of the data on the disc was sapped away, except for one frame:


It is unknown what is going on in this frame. It has been proven that it is the inside of a science lab, but what they are doing in the science lab is unknown. There are three main theories: 1. The Forerunner Scientist is testing a new weapon on a grunt. 2. They are testing an already-developed weapon on a grunt in order to test it's survivability. 3. The Forerunners are really the ones who created the first form of Gruntiness, and they are testing it's effects on a grunt.

More Ancient MuralsEdit