This article is too damned short, Marine! You will help Gruntipedia by so it will fit the screen, fool!
BR55 Buttrape Magnificence
|Damage Per Hit||
More Babies Than You Can Launch into a Turbine
Rapid Stroke Piston, Rotating Sit-N-Spin, Locked Rigid
|Rate of Fire||
However Fast Bullets Are
Long to Extreme Distance
The Era of Anus, 2552
- In Soviet Russia, rifle battles YOU!
- — Russian Marine discussing the BR55
- It's like my weenie is 8 inches instead of the normal 3! Thanks Misriah!
- — A Grateful Neckbeard
- It's strange that I have no witty comment on this
- — Sigmund Freud on the Battle Rifle
The BR55 Heavy Barrel service rifle is the finest in the line of Misriah battle rifles. Despite unending comparisons to the inferior but visually identical MA5 rifles, and the odd fixation on the weapon as a phallic object, it has generally replaced the MA5 rifle in most circumstances as the weapon of choice for under-endowed neckbeards.
State of the art testicular magnification. Bleeding edge erectile masterpiece. This huge penis has a laundry list of choice features for the discerning soldier.
The compensation system in the weapon protects the ego of the user, making high recoil shots more manageable and low recoil shots less humiliating. This reduction in kickback leads to precise facials, allowing the user to draw incredible works of art upon the bodies of his numerous enemies.
In bullets. Drawing in bullets.
The legendary headshots are also partially owed to the x2 Pubic Multiplier, allowing the detection and reaction to targets up to 900 meters away. Amazingly, only small amounts of accuracy are lost while moving, opening up unique finishing possibilities such as the Strafing Bukkake and the Acrobatic Fucking Pirouette, in which the fucking is taking place simultaneously with a graceful backflip.
And also, the fucking is in bullets.
The UNSC, attracting a staggering number of useless neckbeards, was in need of a weapon capable of making them whine less, since making them into actual soldiers had proved impossible. Thus, the BR55 was created to satisfy both the male's desire for a huge penis, and the woman's immense penis envy. For the first time in years, Misriah nailed the problem in the first try, creating a weapon that pounded its targets with ruthless, straight-faced determination.
For nearly twenty five years, through two generations of neckbeards and homeless vagrants, this weapon proved itself in nearly ever conflict. Its ability to annihilate anuses with reckless abandon brought fear to the entire Covenant, and is one of the few weapons the Master Chief himself ever advocated from Misriah as a legitimate gun.