AV Johnson
This article is too damned short, Marine! You will help Gruntipedia by making it larger so it will fit the screen, fool!
For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on BR55 Battle Rifle.
Production information

Bud Lite


BR55 Buttrape Magnificence


Battle Rifle


Anal Virginity

Technical specifications


Damage Per Hit


Magazine Size

36 Loads

Maximum Ammunition

More Babies Than You Can Launch into a Turbine

Fire Mode

Burst Fire

Ammunition Type

Explosive Semen


Rapid Stroke Piston, Rotating Sit-N-Spin, Locked Rigid

Rate of Fire

900 Loads/Minute

Muzzle Velocity

However Fast Bullets Are


Pinpoint Facial


Long to Extreme Distance


The Era of Anus, 2552






Cquote1In Soviet Russia, rifle battles YOU!Cquote2
— Russian Marine discussing the BR55
Cquote1It's like my weenie is 8 inches instead of the normal 3! Thanks Misriah!Cquote2
— A Grateful Neckbeard
Cquote1It's strange that I have no witty comment on thisCquote2
— Sigmund Freud on the Battle Rifle

The BR55 Heavy Barrel service rifle is the finest in the line of Misriah battle rifles. Despite unending comparisons to the inferior but visually identical MA5 rifles, and the odd fixation on the weapon as a phallic object, it has generally replaced the MA5 rifle in most circumstances as the weapon of choice for under-endowed neckbeards.

Features Edit

State of the art testicular magnification. Bleeding edge erectile masterpiece. This huge penis has a laundry list of choice features for the discerning soldier.

The compensation system in the weapon protects the ego of the user, making high recoil shots more manageable and low recoil shots less humiliating. This reduction in kickback leads to precise facials, allowing the user to draw incredible works of art upon the bodies of his numerous enemies.

In bullets. Drawing in bullets.

The legendary headshots are also partially owed to the x2 Pubic Multiplier, allowing the detection and reaction to targets up to 900 meters away. Amazingly, only small amounts of accuracy are lost while moving, opening up unique finishing possibilities such as the Strafing Bukkake and the Acrobatic Fucking Pirouette, in which the fucking is taking place simultaneously with a graceful backflip.

And also, the fucking is in bullets.

History Edit

The UNSC, attracting a staggering number of useless neckbeards, was in need of a weapon capable of making them whine less, since making them into actual soldiers had proved impossible. Thus, the BR55 was created to satisfy both the male's desire for a huge penis, and the woman's immense penis envy. For the first time in years, Misriah nailed the problem in the first try, creating a weapon that pounded its targets with ruthless, straight-faced determination.

For nearly twenty five years, through two generations of neckbeards and homeless vagrants, this weapon proved itself in nearly ever conflict. Its ability to annihilate anuses with reckless abandon brought fear to the entire Covenant, and is one of the few weapons the Master Chief himself ever advocated from Misriah as a legitimate gun.


Butt Rape rifle

Melee Weapons: Kitchen Knife | Japanese Butter Knife | Taser Stick

Handguns: Comfortable Pistol | Another Comfortable Pistol | WTF no scope? | M6C/Suck em' | God's Sidearm | Safety Mode On | Trusty Sidearm | Trusty Sidearm 2: Gradius | Assassination Pistol | Carbine Pistol | Silenced Pistol | Orbital Airstrike

Automatic & Semi-Automatic Weapons: Bullet Hose | Silent Bullet Spitter | Insult to Rifles | Revised Insult to Rifles | Chronologically Confusing insult to rifles | The insult to rifles that actually kicks ass | Bee-Arr | Bullet Spammer | Another insult to rifles | Large Bullet Hose

Other: HEADSHOT! | Pest Control Tool | Mini Missile Silo | Rocket Lawn chair | Splazer | Campergun | Noob Obliterator | Crude Thumper rip-off | Supersonic Rail Exploder | Exploding Cake Detonator | Kill The Hydra

Grenades: Damn, no stickies | Bang Grenade | Ear Bleeder | "I embrace y'all with napalm..."

Melee Weapons: Energy Shank | Hot Poker | Death Stick | Energy Shiv | Gravy Hammer | Monkey Fist | Monkey Shank

Other: Peashooter | Overheated | Angry Plasma Rifle | Overheater | Noobler | Larger Noobler | Long range Noobler | Nailgun | New Noob Combo | Rock Slinger | L337 5K1LL5 | Follow the pink light | Vacuum Quadlazer | Jelly Launcher | Semtex Blue Spider | Stick-rock | Fire in the Box

Heavy Weapons: Mini Blue Jelly Factory | Death impersonated | Godly Plasma Rifle | Huge Water Gun on Spaceships | Hax Gun | Smaller Hax Gun | Derp Gun | Magic Grenade Thrower

The Quadlazer | Zapper | Tracer Rifle | Yellow Light Spammer | Campergun's Retarded Brother | Triforce Gun | Promethean Glory | Forcefield | Bee Grenade